Friday 8 March 2013

TCWT Blog Chain!

Yes, it's here! The Teens Can Write Too! Blog Chain! Yay!
And here's all the awesome blogs involved:
March 28th (We’ll announce the topic for next month’s chain)

 So, the prompt was 'Write a letter to an antagonist'. To be honest, I found it pretty hard to find an antagonist who I had the feels for, because I honestly have the mind of an actual sieve. However, if there's one antagonist that I feel kinda sorry for/has irritating ideas to cause havoc, it's Valentine Morgernstern from The Mortal Instruments. I apologise to those of you who haven't read TMI, because, although everyone hates spoilers (even River Song, chaotic murderer-extrordinaire), my letter might have just a few spoilers for the first three books of TMI. Sorry.

Charlotte Hall,
Eat My Book,
TCWT Blog Chain

Valentine Morgenstern,
A ditch somewhere,

Dear Valentine,

This is not a Valentine’s Day letter. Do not worry about that. Sheesh. Mucho creepy. Besides, it was last month – I suppose all your scheming makes the days fly by. It’s March, in case it was bothering you.

Anywho, I know you don't have a clue who I am and don't really care, but I just thought I’d write you to tell you about these brilliant parenting classes that they have on at my local library (they do all sorts there). I’m sure they’d benefit you. They cover all sorts of things, like how to teach your children to love. That’s one you have to work on, I’m afraid. You spend a lot of time teaching them how not to love, which isn’t beneficial. There’s other things too, of course, like health and safety; being cruel to be kind probably comes up – it’s right up your alley, you see?

How do you know all these things, I don't hear you say? Well, I've been hanging with some demon types, you know, that lot who are best friends with you and all that? The ones that you hate but actually are basically your work colleagues... woah. You're like the supernatural version of my dad. I'll hook you two up, see if you can't sort your problemos out together.

 But back to the point: health and safety is probably one of the most important parts of the parenting class. That’s what it says on the leaflet. It’s all about putting covers over fireplaces, cooking things thoroughly, not poisoning your children with demon and angel blood while they’re in the womb, that kind of thing.

 However, I’m afraid to say that, as far as I can tell, sibling relationships don’t come up, which is a bit of a let-down, I know. You really could have handled that whole thing better, especially since you told them they were brother and sister when they weren't. On the bright side, the class probably does cover lying to your children, which I'm sure is a bonus.

 Don’t get me wrong, I know it’ll be hard for you to get here, since you’re both dead and in Idris, but I honestly think it’ll be worth your while. Truly. Plus, if the parenting class goes well, there’s also this other class on for divorced men. You could learn how not to kidnap and torture your ex-wife.

 I hope you take what I’ve said into consideration. This class could really change your life, if you let it.

Yours sincerely,
Charlotte Hall


  1. If this guy's a dad, I'm guessing the kids are screwed up? I should read this. :D Awesome idea about the letter, by the way.

  2. Thanks :) and yes, you could say the kids are screwed up :D

  3. Oh man, I started laughing out loud at the parenting classes thing. XD YES, he definitely needs them. Badly. Very very badly. This was brilliant.

  4. Love the letter! I haven't read the book (yet, it's on my to-read list), but your letter was brilliantly funny anyway. ;)

    stopping by from the TCWT chain

    1. Ta :) TMI is definitely worth a read, especially as the film is coming out soon -excited-

  5. I like this, it's like a synopsis to the book, excluding the parenting class. Which I liked, too.

  6. Nice letter! Sorry I'm a bit late at stopping by for TCWT. I haven't read the Mortal Instruments series, but as Cait said, it was still funny! Good post.

    1. Thanks :) And it's alright that you were a bit late, I have a lot of blog posts to read before I catch up :)